Posted by: Dr. Carolyn Edwards | December 7, 2012

Ask Dr. E – How To Deal With A Cheating Husband

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Dr. E my husband has cheated on me many times. I love him very much and he always apologizes but I am tired of forgiving him. His cheating makes me feel depressed and bad about myself.  When do you know it’s time to let go?  Depressed in CA.

Dear depressed only you can decide what is right for you and when it’s time to leave your marriage. According to 30 to 60% of married people cheat at some point in the relationship and men are more likely to cheat than women, so the dilemma you are facing is not uncommon. There is no magic formula that can decide the right time to let go. Each relationship and circumstance varies as do the people in the relationship.

angry-couple-fightHowever this choice is not about him. You are powerful and must learn to love yourself enough not to accept behavior that is unloving and unsafe. We teach people how to treat us. If your husband knows that he can cheat and you will forgive him without any consequences, then he will most likely repeat the behavior. You must do what is needed to get yourself in a loving place where you are surrounded by people and circumstances that love and honor you.

Although there is no universal right time to end a relationship, here are some common signs that can help you determine if or when it’s time to leave.

  1. Your mate continually breaks your trust
  2. Their actions don’t match their words
  3. You accept behavior that is not loving, respectful or truthful
  4. You continually make excuses for the cheating behavior
  5. You are depressed, unhappy and genuinely dislike the situation you are in.

The  above list includes examples of unloving behaviors that can be exhibited by either person in the relationship. Remember we teach people how to treat us by setting standards of acceptable behavior and the examples we show them by how we care for ourselves.

I suggest you seek counseling/therapy to discuss your concerns and to rebuild a healthy relationship with yourself. This will lead you on the right track so you can heal, treat yourself honorably and only allow others in your life that are willing and able to do the same.

Be well.

Dr. E


Dr. Carolyn Edwards is a  life & career management coach, author and  professor.

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