Posted by: Dr. Carolyn Edwards | January 7, 2012

Ask Dr. E – Frustrated Wife

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Dr. E, I’ve been married to a wonderful man for the past ten years. We have three kids, we both work full time jobs and the kids have lots of activities they need to get to each week. I have to make dinner, check homework and do all the other household things like wash clothes, buy groceries and keep the house clean. At the end of the day I barely have time to think straight let alone make love to my husband. Where can I find the time?  Frustrated Wife, Baltimore

Dear Frustrated, you are not alone. Many women have to find time to balance career, family, life, health and relationships. According to a USA Today study “20 to 30 percent of men and 30 to 50 percent of women say they have little or no sex drive” but let’s find out why there’s no sex in your relationship.

According to a Newsweek Poll, average American married couples have sex at least once per week or 65.5 times per year. If you and your husband are not finding the time to have sex at least once per week, ask yourselves is sex with your mate important?  I always tell my family and friends, “You make time for the things that are important to you.” If sex with your husband is important then you must find time on that long to do list and fit it in!

It seems like you are doing all the household chores by yourself so let the entire family be accountable for maintaining the home, don’t do it by alone. Divide the household chores amongst everyone. This should free up some time to be with your husband. Maybe you can’t always have an hour of uninterrupted alone time but you can settle for a quick session in the closet, bathroom or car.

Make the time with your husband fun and interesting, like when you were dating. Have sex early in the morning before you go to work, while the kids are at school or attending their scheduled activities. Think about what you both loved about each other that made you get married and use those thoughts as the elixir to get you in the mood for a long lovemaking session or a quick appetizer.

There are a variety of other benefits to having sex with your husband like it burns calories, boosts your immune system, relieves stress and helps you sleep better. If the lack of sex for either of you isn’t related to time but could be attributed to health/wellness issues like fatigue, depression, hormones or weight changes remember to see your medical physician. You’re married so find the time to make sex a priority!

Dr. E


Dr. Carolyn Edwards is an author, life/career management coach and graduate management professor.

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